Psychiatrist Mumbai, Psychotherapy, hypnotherapy & marriage counseling.
Psychological Problems & Marriage
Many people with psychological problems have questions about getting married. Similarly many people who want to get married to some one who has psychological problems have doubts or worries. While it is difficult to generalise about this given the wide range of psychiatric disorders. Marriage for some who has suffered from schizophrenia is different than some one who was depressed. Similarly getting married to someone who has a bipolar disorder or psychotic illness is different from getting married to someone who suffers from mild anxiety or an adjustment problem.
In India many people have the notion that marriage will “fix” or set right psychological problems. So if an unmarried person develops a disorder the relatives will try to get the person married. This among people who a are ignorant about the outdated and often outrageous theories of Sigmund Freud who attributed most human problems to sex.
Getting married is often quite stressful for most people and can add to a persons psychological problems. The stresses include adjusting to another person and the persons expectations, sharing personal space and time. Establishing a power hierarchy (who decides things). dealing with a new family the list goes. Most important of all dealing with the psychological experience of intimacy and the vulnerabilities it arouses.
In some cases marriage to a psychologically healthy and supportive partner can be healing but this only about 10% of cases. In the majority of cases people lack the psychological maturity and patience to deal with a persons suffering from major psychological difficulties and marriage leads to much more conflict and often breakdown of the marriage.
Arranged marriages are common in India where the person may have met the prospective partner once or at most a few times before deciding to get married. For many Indians marriage is an end in itself people feel if they are not married by a certain age they are failures, or parents end up feeling that they are failures.
Many psychiatrists share this view and therefore work towards getting the person well enough to go through the motions and get through the marriage ceremony. I remember one of my teacher telling us of a case where a night before the wedding a schizophrenic girl was given a few ECT’s to control her hallucinations and delusions so that she could be married the next morning. I was horrified about the plight of husband and the poor mentally ill girl.
A large percentage of people with mental illnesses do not reveal the presence of a prior illness to the prospective partner. Not only is this unfair but it is a breach of contract and ground for a divorce and even damages in India. However this can be a messy procedure that take years prolonging the suffering of both partners.
My advice to my patients and their parents is to reveal the truth to the prospective partner after the first or second meeting in an arranged marriage situation. Even though it makes it more difficult to find a partner if one does this.
A preferred approach is to work with the patient towards full recovery utilizing medication, psychotherapy and complimentary healing techniques. And then work with the patient to develop dating skills and find a partner (lover) who understands them and loves them enough to want to get married. This is easier said than done as many patients have been brought up with the notion that their parents will find some one for them to marry. Many parents cannot accept the idea that their child could find their own partner.
There are no easy answers to this question especially as many people are affected by this dilemma. At least 5% of people in the marriageable age would suffer from a major psychiatric disorder or a personality disorder. As life becomes more stressful and complex due to globalization a greater number of people are likely to suffer from major psychological problems and make this really difficult human dilemma a major cause for concern.
Dr Dayal Mirchandani
psychiatrist mumbai.
This article may be useful if you are interested in schizophrenia and marriage or depression and marriage or OCD & marriage. Or getting married to some one with schizophrenia or depression or anxiety or OCD or borderline personality disorder.